I actually did it.
Following months of anxiety and worry, I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago about a difficult decision: whether or not to go ahead with my planned trip to America.
I was leaning more towards not going… but I felt a last minute sense of courage and determination.
I’m not going to pretend that it wasn’t challenging. I was pushed to my limit and had to overcome so many hurdles that I never felt possible.
Although it will sound strange to some, it feels like such a huge achievement for me and I still can’t believe that I went.
Most importantly, I had the most amazing time and I am so proud of myself for not letting anxiety win.
Yes – I’m relieved to be home so my mind and body can have a little rest! But, it was so worth it.
I’m going to write a few more in-depth blog posts on the places I visited (Orlando, Miami and Fort Lauderdale) but this post is more about the fact I ACTUALLY WENT.
For some background info – the last two years have been a bit like hell for me. I’ve suffered a series of pretty major health problems and also suffer with horrible anxiety.
I can spend days or weeks fretting about upcoming events and used to regularly cancel because the anxiety associated with going out was too much. I often feel when I’m far away from home or not in a ‘safe’ place that something bad will happen. Particularly – I have a horrible and irrational phobia of sickness bugs!
So obviously, the thought of travelling half way around the world was quite scary. Never mind having to get up and go to different places every single day, when I’ve created quite a comfortable little life for myself working from home.
Each day had its challenges but each day had greater rewards.
I’ve come home feeling happier and with a renewed sense of determination, positivity and life. I feel like if I can do this, I can do anything.
All of the small things that worry me now feel more insignificant and for the first time in a while, I actually look forward to what I can do next.
One of the main things I have put on hold due to anxiety is driving lessons, and I honestly now feel that I have the courage and strength to do it. Travelling to America felt impossible – but I didn’t only do it, I loved it.
I have faced my fears and gained a lot of perspective.
Of course, the anxiety is still there but I feel stronger and more able to challenge the intrusive thoughts and irrationality.
Watch this space for some holiday snaps and my thoughts about the amazing places I visited.
America 1 – 0 Anxiety